The 3-Days-Before-New-Years-News

[idbeholda]

The next 3 installments shall be done in a style that's not really all that much different than before, but hopefully, the titles will offend and/or amuse the masses.

China afraid that foreigners may adopt chinese children for the purposes of fattening them up and sending them off to the cannery.

Chess player banned for having a "device" in his "cap". Further inspection revealed he also had his suitcase stuffed with a variety of sexual devices and pornographic material.

Law overturned in Texas regarding churches and inmates. The law was overturned after they discovered that it wasn't the inmates who were molesting the nativity scenes, but astonishingly, the priests.

More news to come, just like the load that hit the back of the manger.

[idbeholda]

Britans up in arms over the fact that their children will no longer be exposed to porn on the internet, but rather at school. It is rumored that one parent was considering suing the school on the grounds of "reckless endangerment" with the reason being that his child may instead be blowing his allowance all over the gymnasium, rather than into a napkin.

Meanwhile, over 200 people were killed in a "pipeline" explosion. It is suspected that the explosion resulted from an attempt at the world's longest "Man Train". Bewildered onlookers described the scene as a "wave of white icing from every direction".

In an astounding turn of events, the resulting explosion also threw off enough heat to cause a small rise in global warming which resulted in the submergence of inhabited islands near the Bay Of Bengal.

Two so-called "rapists" have had their sentence reduced. Originally, their sentence was 15 years (or 7.5 inches each). After deciding the two women may have gotten the short end of the bargain, their sentences were reduces in order to match the plaintiff's actual penis size (or 3.5 inches each, doubled equalling 7 years).

One professor creates quite a stir by saying Santa's Run could be done if he would "just come out of the closet". Sounds like some professor got his stocking stuffed full of hot black coal on christmas morning.

[jollyrgr]

They needed to have a special investigation to realize that the music industry maninpulated what was being played on the radio? Big surprise! I'd file this under the No Shit Sherlock folder.

http://blogs.abcnews.com/theblotter/...om_to_pay.html

[idbeholda]

Originally Posted by jollyrgr

They needed to have a special investigation to realize that the music industry maninpulated what was being played on the radio? Big surprise! I'd file this under the No Shit Sherlock folder.

http://blogs.abcnews.com/theblotter/...om_to_pay.html

The icing on the cake...

Entercom maintained its choice to settle was not an admission of culpability. "In the interests of the company, our employees and our shareholders, we have chosen to resolve this matter immediately and without extensive and costly litigation," an Entercom spokesperson told ABC News. "The Court did not find any liability, nor are we admitting liability with this settlement. Rather, we are taking the opportunity to put the investigation behind us and move forward."

Wisely, they'd never own up to manipulating the airwaves to play prefabricated boyband crap, "pop" music, and excessive amounts of ridiculous noise that makes most people's ears bleed. Obviously, if they did, I'm sure there would be hell to pay in the form of pitchforks, torches, and branding irons. But what's even more interesting about their stance on the whole thing, is how they say that their choice to settle was not an admission of guilt. If they're not admitting to being guilty, then why the hell are they paying up?