The Texas Colonsplatter Massacre.

[idbeholda]

There's something I enjoy about going to the movies. There's even more I enjoy about those $2 boxes of sno-caps that I could just devour for days on end, slowly working my way into a chocolate induced coma. What I don't enjoy though, are people that chatter on mindlessly during the movie. I encourage smartass comments about the movie, but if it doesn't involve said motion picture, then shut the hell up.

Saturday, me and my girlfriend decided to go see The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning. After purchasing the tickets, we walked into room #7. As we sat down, I noticed that the advertisements they were blaring through the speakers, making it difficult to ascertain exactly what part of the speaker system the sounds were coming from.

I thought to myself "Man, have I just walked into some bad acid trip?"

Little did I know that we would soon be surrounded by retarded children seated 1 row behind us.

As their incessant chattering continued during the movie, I felt my colon shift. It was the kind of fart that you know is going to be rancid, by the simple deduction that it doesn't so much feel like gas, as it does a rushing river of molten, raw sewage. Quietly adjusting my ass to where the back of the seat was, I let one rip. It was silent. So silent, in fact, that my girlfriend wasn't even aware that it was me until the car ride home.

Several seconds later, I heard a wet choke, followed by a male voice that said "Oh God! WHAT THE HELL?". This was followed by what I could only assume to be one of their companions as a female voice whimpered, "It smells like ass!"

That's right, it smelled like ass. 10,000 years of raw sewage left to ripen in an airtight container in the deserts that once harbored some great civilization. Locked away for an eternity until one day.... Well... not much more description needs to be given. The rest of the movie, they were quiet. Almost too quiet. After the credits rolled, I heard one of them say "Who farted earlier? It smelled awful". At that moment, before they passed, I let another one rip for good measure. I hope they caught a whiff of it.

Other than that, the movie was pretty good. I recommend seeing it if you like watching people get their shit ruined by chainsaws, nightsticks, knives and torture racks.

News to come...

[idbeholda]

Another Ed Gein in the making.

Oh, the greed. However, I can see why they're doing this, because we do need to find another method of energy reliance.

Somehow, I find this fitting, and extremely humorous.

That's one hell of a pumpkin.

I say resurrect them, and clone an army of gargantuan camels. That would be the shit.

After being chased by 50 demonstrators, Jeb Bush is finally allowed to come out of the closet.

Other than the obvious fact it was a mid-air collision... how in fuck's name do you accidentally drop 4 H-Bombs? And more importantly, what were they doing over Spain?

The Revolt Of The Carrots. Either that, or somebody probably took a massive crap in one of the rendering tanks.

That makes no fucking sense at all. Why not just take him INTO the hospital, since he'd be going in there anyway?

Sounds like MS is finally getting a clue.

More news to come later today.

[cold]

The fart, smelt 'round the world!

[jollyrgr]

Originally Posted by idbeholda

That makes no fucking sense at all. Why not just take him INTO the hospital, since he'd be going in there anyway?

{RANT MODE ON}

I work in a hospital in a support (non medical) basis. Under no circumstances am I to every assist a patient that has fallen or been injured. If I witness such an accident I am to call security and they call 911. If available security MAY help someone find their car or give someone who can walk a ride to the ER. But they cannot transport an injured patient that cannot move under their own power. If a patient is "dumped" outside the ER a paramedic crew must bring them inside. (Our hospital is busy enough there is usually ONE crew available at the ER almost 24/7.) I have to be aware of "fall precautions" (an orange triangle on the patient's door) but cannot prevent them from trying to get out of bed; I must alert a nurse or doctor on duty.

A few years back as I was on my way into work I noticed a couple police cars at a house across the street from the ER. (Literally you walk out of the ER lot, cross the street, and enter the yard where this happened.) I also noticed ER staff running to the house with medical supplies. It turns out a person experienced a heart attack in the house. The dispatch for the city ambulances (and several private ambulance services) is located right inside our ER and they informed ER staff to expect a patient. Instead the staff did the "right" thing and ran across the street to render aid. Later they were reprimanded for doing this.

One interesting inciddent I witnessed first hand happened during a very bad thunder storm. An older woman was blown down by high winds and apparently broke her hip. Her family brought her to the ER in the family minivan. The only thing ER staff could do was provide a wheel chair to get her from the front door of the ER to the inside. Rain was coming down in buckets as two nurses had to watch a young girl and her mother help the old lady from the van to the wheel chair. The poor lady was screaming in pain as she could not move herself and her daughter and grand daughter (???) could not move her themselves. Finally the two nurses (male) saw the stupidity of the situation and helped the lady to the chair.

Want something even more bizzare? We have a helicopter landing pad on our ER roof that can handle two helicopters at once. Should a third or fourth helicopter need to land (I've seen this more than once) they can land at our hangar or even in the back employee parking lot. Landing anywhere away from the roof requires that a special trauma ambulance be present to move the patient from the hangar or parking lot into the ER. Mind you 90% of the employees park in this same lot and walk into the hospital so it is not that far away. The hangar is just to the side of the employee parking lot and is infact closer to the ER than some employee parking.

Why must 911 be called? You can thank lawyers for this. Things like this are not unique to my hospital or the one in the story above. Greedy lawyers will find SOME way of finding unqualified staff or ER staff that do not have the right equipment at fault for aiding someone who is already in dire straights. Yes, this IS stupid! But law suits prevent logic from prevailing and stupid crap like a man dying in a hospital parking lot DO happen.

{RANT MODE OFF}


Sorry, I had to vent as this type of death is needless.

[cold]

That was an awesome rant, man. Oddly I like hearing stories about hospital situations from real people like you, and not from filtered crap on T.V. Thanks.

[Teep]

People should just try and stop their urge to sue everyone and everything. Sometimes shit just happens. Sure, if you look long and hard enough, you'll probably find someone to blame (and sue)... but ask yourself: would it really help if you did? Or would it perhaps just be better to cut your losses and move on.

[idbeholda]

@jollyrgr: That wasn't a rant, my friend. That was a statement of inarguable facts (as I like to call it). Keep up the good work

@cold: lol... yeah... real life stories are way better than a television show could ever hope to achieve.

@Teep: Personally, I think we need to remove all the warning labels and let the problem solve itself

[cold]

Originally Posted by Teep

...would it perhaps just be better to cut your losses and move on.[?]

I agree. Some people hold onto the shit they just swam through, instead of looking for the nearest shower.

Originally Posted by idbeholda

@Teep: Personally, I think we need to remove all the warning labels and let the problem solve itself

Can we say "under-the-sink-cleaner kool-aid?" =P