Upon closer inspection...

[idbeholda]

It seems that Matt Groening was actually on to something if it rained donuts. In fact, with all the humidity we're having, I wouldn't be surprised if donuts started appearing for those who suffer from heatstroke. Wait... that would just be a hallucination... in any case, let's see what's on today's docket of news.

The Telltale Tampon. Also known as "The Tale Of The Curious Maxipads."

Unless it's something like gay hatian midget clownsex with an amputee, I don't see how the kid went through a traumatic experience.

If it were anyone else, I can guaruntee they'd be charged with "Obstruction Of Justice".

And they'll uncover that maybe "illicit substances" aren't as bad as people say they are. (kenny)

Yes... it could. Take your average wal-mart smuggler for instance, suppose that they discover a 19" flatscreen monitor that they really like, but can't find a way to sneak it out. But, all those years of "heavy lifting" that have been documented via limewire, they suddenly realize that there is a place they can hide it: Their "Suitcase".

With the deft hands and anus of a professional dildo sitter, they manage to snugly fit the monitor into their lower intestine with a firm *pop*. Normally, one would be in the clear, and when the security personell ask what you're doing, you reply "I'm expecting". With a few embellishments, they believe that even though you may be a male, the prospect of being pregnant with Elvis Presley's alien lovechild may sound a bit too far fetched, but it's a possibility, and they won't ask questions.

But not with the new proposal for the new "tracking tags". Not only will they be able to track the tags, but even if they didn't manage to get the monitor out of your colon, they'll still do a second body cavity search just to make sure you didn't try and take off with their scalpel during surgery even though you were unconcious from the anaesthetics. We can never be too careful nowadays.

And I thought I had a goddamn ego. Her body looks like a giraffe. Seriously, it does. Image Google "giraffe" and "Paris Hilton". Compare pictures side by side. Guarunteed, you won't be able to tell the difference.

It sounds a bit faked and a quick attempt to get some publicity.

Soon the wasps will be the size, and possibly the shape of ordinary housecats.

Some people really need to get laid.

More news to come.

[Teep]

Originally Posted by idbeholda

The Telltale Tampon. Also known as "The Tale Of The Curious Maxipads."

Ahh, yes, I read about that. I don't see the problem. The letters, okay, but the sniffing? Are we not free to inhale through our noses?

Originally Posted by idbeholda

Her body looks like a giraffe. Seriously, it does.

Heh. You're quite right.
I've never understood what people see in that girl.
I think she looks like an alien. Never really quite "there", with her eyes always half closed. Weird.

Originally Posted by idbeholda

Soon the wasps will be the size, and possibly the shape of ordinary housecats.

That would be okay with me, I think housecats are cuter than wasps anyway.
A wasp nest the size of a car is pretty freaky, though...

[cold]

Originally Posted by Teep

That would be okay with me, I think housecats are cuter than wasps anyway.
A wasp nest the size of a car is pretty freaky, though...

The biggest wasp I have ever seen flew into my service dept yesterday. I know my ma is deathly allergic so I backed-the-fuck out of there, tripping over boxes n shit. One of my comrads said he tried to freeze the thing by holding a can of compressed air upside-down..

I hate wasps. Then again.. wouldn't it be even more freaky to come across a house in the middle of a huge grass field, and find the whole building had been taked over by wasps? They're coming to take over! (I bet UT, AZ, and TX are going down first =P )

[kenny]

Originally Posted by idbeholda

Some people really need to get laid.

The end of the world is near.

[Sticks]

ICP makes me ashamed to be from this region, even though Faygo is some good & cheap pop.

[idbeholda]

Microsoft sues 26 software pirates... but not before this article conveniently rears its head at the most opportune time. That's what I call hypocrisy.

I rarely would do homework. Honestly, I considered it to be a waste of my time, and a kind of test foreplay. Just give the damn test, seriously.

This is just plain fuckin' creepy.

In all my years of tweaking/hacking the shit out of a windows box, I never thought of this.... now this... could be rather helpful in making my system run even faster.

Bush decides he'll attend the NAACP meeting afterall. Let's just hope something like his desire for inappropriate fondling doesn't happen again.

Let's take bets on how long it will be before he's replaced. After all, a wannabe dictator's puppets are expendable, right?

Tom DeLay's lesion lesson on how to take it up the rimmer be The Man.

A waste of time proving whether or not something exists. If you really want foresight, look at the mayan calendar, and study how it works. People tend to fall into the trap of linear thinking.

God no.

*cackles*

Messages that are more humorous than the BSOD or even the infamous "NTLDR is missing..." when I moved my computer 20 feet into another room.

For a moment, i want you all to ignore the content of the article, and just look at the headline. What exactly comes to mind when you see something about a man getting a hardon over a garage door opener? Feedback is strongly encouraged.

)

An impressive story on human echolocation.