Help me find it, please... before it's too late.

[kenny]

We had spent the last hour talking about her classes in this overpriced airport cafe, and the financial burden that school had become. I tried to assure her that it would be OK, but she saw through that line of shit and just smiled. There are some of us that are weathered to this world; we continue to hope because that is all we have, continuously fighting, one day, I tell myself - one day.

I was standing there in line, waiting to board my flight. I am not sure where my mind was, drifting I assume. I felt a soft peck on my right cheek, I turned around and the dark haired girl from the café pointed to a group of people that sat across the terminal enthralled in their own matters. I looked at them and then back at her; she just looked up from behind her glasses and smiled.

Everything froze; it was like looking at an immense 360 degree photo. I reached out to place my hand on her cheek and she along with the rest of my surroundings disappeared, leaving me in complete darkness, alone except for the sound of a heartbeat.

Why do you drink? Why do you do drugs? Do you do it for recreation, or are you trying to escape? I ask because you cannot escape yourself, and that is who most of us run from.

My skin is damp; I just felt a bead of sweat release itself from my armpit and stream down my side. I keep brushing the sweat from my brow in to my hair. I am so hot, but yet so cold. This is becoming very reminiscent to Las Vegas two years ago and I want it as much now as I did then.

The darkness started to fade, brief bits of light and color poured from the all around, forming a time and place that was very recent. “Are you happy?” you had asked, followed by “What drives you?” No man, I am not happy. I would have given up a long time ago, but I don’t know how. I do know how to bite off more than I can chew, and dive in – never to look back. But I don’t know how to give up, I can’t just settle. It’s a continuous quest, someone out there has the antidote and I shall find it. If not, I shall die trying!

Never looking back, for I know as well as you do, it was wonderful – but it will never be the same, things never are.

Now pan out, a grown man in only his boxers and tattered socks is kneeling with his arms stretched out. His hands clenched so tight that he defines every muscle in his arms, looking up at the night sky, cackling at the man on the moon, teeth clenched. Patrolling the edge sometimes leaves you unclear of where it lies and when the two mix, this becomes very dangerous. There is not much time left, I must find that antidote that I spoke of – but first I must take a shower, who can sleep drenched in their perspiration?