What time is it.

[Hannah]

It came in the mail today. Four weeks previous, I mail ordered them from Japan. Four thousand dollars cheaper that way. I took it out back, unwrapped the wrapping paper, pulled off the golden bow, and plugged them in.

Frost yourselves, as I remember a movie quote. Da-da-da-da-da-dazzle them with dia-moands. The timer went off and I skipped to the oven, grabbed da mits, and pulled out a tasty pan of brownies. Cool, cool, I told them. Then for the frosting. It came in the mail today, it only took four weeks. I am a chef, and the only way to really guarantee food being eaten is to watch the earth eat itself, yet I decided to have a party. Come if you would like, there will be enough for everyone.

Carbon dioxide and hydrogen compound create a thick white paste that is indescribably delicious but, well, deadly. In went some vanilla, a coffee pot and my shoe. Ground into a mealy crust I collided and the oily glass poured onto my bare foot. A wet towel, the only thing within reach. It burnt, burnt, burnt. Water burnt my skin, it peeled up my leg and my muscle began to swell. Two toes were smoldering, I pressed my fingers to them and screamed, it burnt, so bad.

Running to the kitchen I grabbed the largest knife I had and sawed into my kneecap. Bone on metal grated, it wasn't strong enough. My foot was almost gone now, charred meat scent filled the air as my flesh cracked and fizzled. Smashing the fire extinguisher dislodged my knee, stabbing the skin and spraying foam into the cut. Blood sprayed as my arms pulled at the socket, sawing tendons into shreds while the cartilage pulled apart. A hammer gleamed, forcing the prongs into the center I ripped outward, over and again.

It was off, I threw it into the sink and crawled to the closet, grabbed the box of prosthetic limbs, and reattached my new leg. It was quickly heavy with pooling blood and I walked the bathroom. Flipping on the flat iron, the straps I pulled tighter and unhooked the rubber calf. Pouring water over the hot metal surface I waited for the sparks to die down. Swiveling on my good leg all weight went onto the iron.

The bleeding stopped after a few minutes, bracing up on the counter I hurried to the kitchen to frost those brownies.

[Muti]

Hah, I couldn't stop laughing, that was awesome.

[Syklonic]

what the fuck

[Jugdish]

Originally posted by Syklonic
what the fuck

ditto

art sucks.

[Hannah]

Elton John sucks.

you got me.